Signs you are a good friend

 

TRANSCRIPT:

What do you look for in a good friend? Are the traits for a good friend universal? Well, the definition of friendship varies across cultures. Let's talk about the traits that should not only be expected in others but should also be cultivated within each individual.

Here is the list of five signs of a good friend to reflect upon:

1. You engage in self-awareness.

Do you often reflect and monitor your thoughts, emotions and beliefs? Do you often wonder if you're being a good friend to others? Pondering these questions makes you aware of your strengths and weaknesses. You begin to understand how these traits can strengthen your friendships at the same time, you recognize the areas you need to focus on more. Self-awareness provides you with insight into your own self. You can also identify how your behaviors and personal patterns affect your friendships and learn to balance them with the needs of your friends.

2. You practice forgiveness towards yourself and others.

According to Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, the construct of friendship rests on the idea of reciprocity or a give-and-take dynamic. There is often an expectation even if it's unspoken that a friendship will be mutually beneficial and that support will flow from both sides. But, what if you're in a friendship that feels one-sided? What if wrongdoing occurs that threatens the strength of your bond? That is where we need forgiveness. For example, maybe your friend is going through a traumatic life event that disables them from being a friend in the same capacity as before. Do you feel better and secretly blame your friend for being uncaring or do you try to see it from your friends perspective and learn to forgive? Have you ever done something to a friend to damage their trust that you needed forgiveness for? Whether you receive that mercy from your friend or not, it's just as important to forgive yourself. When you lose a friend, the process of both forgiveness and self-forgiveness allows us to evolve into a better friend for the future.

3. You listen well.

Have you heard others say they can always count on you for being there for them? Do you give your friends the time and space to release their thoughts and feelings? Do others always come to you when they're having a bad day? You listen well to their troubles and being a good listener doesn't always mean silent nods or wise follow-ups. You remember what they said and ask thoughtful questions. According to Dr. Paul Sacco of the University of Maryland School of Social Work, good listening allows us to have balanced conversations with our friends. A balanced conversation is possible when we validate our friend's feelings and gauge when it's appropriate to share.

4. You display a commitment to friendship. 

Do you make your friendships a priority or do you only make time for others when it's convenient for you? These moments can reveal to us how important your friendships are to you and whether you're a good friend to others. When you are committed to a friendship, you invest your time and personal efforts considering the casual language used to describe friendship nowadays. Commitment to a friend may not always be obvious. Therefore, it may be important to outline your expectations of commitment. Your friends need to know that they're a priority whether that's through verbal affirmation or quality time. A good friend will not make you guess whether you're important to them or not.

5. You're honest.

Honesty is foundational across every experience within a friendship - whether you're having a tough conversation, making plans or having a venting session. Honesty allows you to be yourself and secures your trust in each other. Your honesty also pushes you to address conflict when it arises rather than pretending it doesn't exist and remaining silent. Honesty can also lead to vulnerability which can be a scary yet rewarding aspect to friendship. You can be transparent and allow others to see your true self. Each of these signs interacts with one another as a friendship is a unique balance between both interpersonal and intrapersonal awareness. While finding and making friends requires interpersonal skills, keeping them close relies on interpersonal abilities. Did you find yourself nodding along to these signs? What makes someone a good friend in your opinion?